Many memoirs centre around a ‘big thing’ in someone’s life ... often something devastating, horrific or life altering (losing a limb, war, addiction etc). Is a life story valid if it’s just about an ‘ordinary life’?
This is a question I have seen discussed in various memoir writing groups I am in. It’s one I have also asked myself. Sure, I’ve had some extraordinary life experiences – as we all have – but doesn’t memoir have to be about overcoming some deep dark trauma, pain or loss?
There are indications that people are looking for more positive stories these days, rather than the profusion of manuscripts about trauma and mental illness that have been published in recent years. A well-written story about relationships and transformation is just as valid.
There are also memoirs about a short period of life such as an international move or a new career experience, which are usually more positive or humorous. And there are stories written purely to leave behind a legacy for one’s children.
So how do you write about the ‘ordinary’ life?
Anyone who strives to do something very challenging, such as crafting a memoir, is most likely going to experience imposter syndrome. Just keep that in mind and keep moving forward.
Imposter syndrome – closely aligned with the inner critic – is going to keep saying: why bother, unless you’ve got some major dramatic story to tell?
I remind myself that Helen Garner, who was accused of writing ‘kitchen sink drama’ back in her early days – went on to become one of Australia’s most beloved writers, because she writes ‘just normal’ domestic life so well.
Kitchen sink drama, also known as ‘grunge lit’ is a whole genre unto itself, after all! So you may find a theme or discover your voice is so compelling it compensates for the lack of dramatic story. You’ll never know unless you write your story down.
We also all have that voice that tells us we are not good enough, and who would want to read about our lives anyway? The inner critic is always eager to take up residence in our minds and we need to banish it, so that we are free to write what we want to write.
There is probably another inner voice saying, ‘Just keep writing’. So write about something important to you. The more meaningful it is for you, the easier it will be to quiet the critic … write what is close to your heart and makes a difference in your life.
Write for an audience of one
Don’t let the thought of having to find a voice that is compelling stop you in your tracks. Let’s be realistic – not everyone can write a memoir that is ‘marketable’, and not everyone wants to!
Another idea is to pick one reader and write for them. Maybe your children are your reader, or your grandchildren. If you are writing your memoir or biography so your children know you better, know about your life, what you experienced, what you learned along the way – getting it down on the page, that’s what matters.
Many of us are the children of immigrants here in Australia – first, second, third generation. Many of us do not know the stories of our ancestors. They were stoic people carving out new lives in a new place, and they left the old life and the old stories behind.
Yet the science of epigenetics is now telling us that their stories are carried in our bodies, so the more we know about our parents, our grandparents, and what their lives were like – the more we know ourselves, and our own inclinations and impulses – our own genetic history.
So start writing the vignettes and anecdotes that capture the significance of the small moments, to leave the stories behind for your family.
Even if you start out with just a disjointed conglomeration of scenes, rather than a cohesive memoir, just get going. You will find a way to piece it all together later.
Just start writing – the next generations will thank you.
Heather Millar is a life story writer and memoir editor with 25 years’ experience. If you need a hand with your story, get in touch: heather@lifestoriesink.com.au